Thee Angel Project

A year of writing a little bit of everything. Writers Write, Right?

how much is too much?

15 Comments

I could lay it all out there. Believe me, I’ve been with my children for a very long time without a break and the little one still is not sleeping well. I have a growing list of grievances that in my own mind is sure to win any battle of complaints. I could get very real, very quickly.

And why not? Accolades are given to those who keep it real. Putting an unfiltered self out there brings shares and nodding heads and praise, even if it is sometimes at the expense of their children, their families.

Those who write sunshine and roses are put off as fake or thought to be hiding something. In my case it would be nothing earth shattering, just your run of the mill frustrations, but I can say for certain it wouldn’t be anything edifying or uplifting either.

So I’m asking today, how much is too much?

Is there a point where you definitely read someone’s post and know they’ve gone too far?

What are the lines, online, that should not be crossed?

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Author: Heather

I want you to see life the way I see it. Often contradictory, seldom predictable, many times lovely, occasionally tragic, but every day filled with God's grace.

15 thoughts on “how much is too much?

  1. They say “confession is good for the soul” and they’re right. Care, careful care, must be taken in what you say and who you say it to.

    If sharing can encourage as in I am so weak I need Christ in me to just get out of bed or instructive like my parenting skills were challenged when my teenager did this and equipping like I didn’t know where to turn and The Lord sent me to a Christian counselor.

    If for some reason it causes harm then we’re causing pain to the body of Christ.

    I have a daughter who is homeless and bi-polar and I, in my struggle took my problems to everyone confessing everything. In the end my daughter looked like a monster, we looked good but it didn’t help.

    To go to The Lord and go to people is counter productive. I learned from the ancient paths of a man named Mueller (died 1889) that we can move the hand of man through whispered prayers alone. He fed, clothed and covered thousands of orphans without asking for a dime.

    My point is let your family know what you’re sharing and if God is in it He will be honored and the readers will be encouraged, instructed and equipped.

    • Great thoughts Chris! I like the practice of letting your family know what you are sharing. Occasionally my children will ask me if I am going to write about something that has transpired during our day, and I am quick to answer, but fail to explain my decision. I’m missing an opportunity there. Again, thank you!

    • well said here Chris, moderation is indeed a great guidepost, venues of communication in all things…I work with a social media consultant and she said there are different”rules” for different sharing spaces- FB —unless you would not shout it out in a grocery store.. it does not go on FB–your niche for your blog helps to determine what gets shared there—- always important to seek permission to share life of children and spouse- I may feel ok to share it but may cross the line of what they want on the internet……always always thoughtful and caring… I put a lot of my junk in my personal prayer journal- just my focus at this time- the story begins to be in what God does with my mess…….life is messy indeed…..
      sometimes I just need a friend and a cup of coffee for venting— agree- hard to always know what to share in a blog post

      • Yes Connie! (Facebook could be an entire post all its own. Actually I think there’s something in my drafts section concerning Fb.) 🙂 Thank you for your thoughts!

  2. To be honest, your post has me feeling uncomfortable. Which in reality is what like about our friendship. You push me outside my comfort zone and make me think. I am a person that tends to , or so I feel, sometimes share too much compared to some o f my friends. When I stop to think about this, I feel like I am doing something wrong. Then I realize, each of us is different.

    In the blogging and social media world there is a limit or a line, I feel. If you wouldn’t want to say it across from your grandmother at the table, you probably shouldn’t write it or blog it. Just my thoughts. On the blog scene, I think it is more about helping others, and growing oneself.

    Thanks for writing this post. Nicely done friend.

    • I don’t think you’ve even come close to stepping over any kind of line. I’m always interested though when people share something that leaves me feeling a little embarrassed from them or wondering how what they say will affect their real life relationships. I wonder sometimes if the desire to be read is worth the risk of saying too much. I struggle with this concerning my roles as wife (and specifically, PW) and mother. The grandmother rule is a good one.

      • …except that…there are things I never would have said to my grandmother that I think can and probably should be discussed…That’s another post too perhaps.

      • Oh the grandma thing. I do think it depends on when, where & what the purpose of your blog is. If it doesn’t fit, then don’t go there. But you are right, there are times when things should be discussed that I would never say in front of my grandma….even if I wasn’t looking at her in the eye. Several years ago I belonged to an online closed group of Christian women. We discussed everything there, including things that go on behind locked doors with my husband (all with his knowledge). It was the right time and place, but I am not brave enough to put it out there on my blog. I couldn’t look at my parents or in-laws square in the face again if I did. Those women that are and do it tastefully have my utmost respect.

      • Good discussion! Thank you Crystal for weighing in!

  3. There is a balance Heather, and one I try to walk carefully. It is actually what inspired my entire blog. I was tired of the fake happy blogs that say if you love Jesus all is well, yet was also tired of the stereotypical mommy blogger that got her fame by sharing all the torrid details of her child’s mistakes. Personally, my line is that I will never share my children’s faces or names on my blog or my public facebook page. If it is on my personal facebook page, then I have filters that I use depending on the content. Yes, it is still out there, but it is not something I wouldn’t share in a face to face conversation. To me, that is for their safety and security…from both future friends who might track down some old embarrassing story, and from child molesters. I have a family member who is on the registry–and when things like that happen it makes you look at the world a little differently.

    I always check with my husband before I share anything about him. If he gives me permission to share, then I will. To be honest, he is quite open as to what I share. I will never bash or shame him though. Even we have an issue and I choose to share it (I have before with his permission on an old message board I belonged to several years ago), it would be said in advice, or this is how we solve it…never to bash or talk him down.

    Sharing frustrations is fine. I have written about them before (I can send you examples if you’d like) but I always try to put a spin on them at the end. Kind of a….this is what I’m struggling with and this is how I’m trying to look at it.

    Those are my lines and my boundaries. I would recommend talking to your husband and figuring out where they need to be for your family.

    • “Happy blogs,” “stereotypical mommy” that shares way too much, Yes!
      All thoughts essential to maintaining respect for those people who you sit across from at the dinner table.

  4. This is a good question.

    Like you, I find no need for happy and fake writing, and I do not enjoy reading the stuff. But boundaries are important… I often write for myself in a way that is simply a “soul dump.” THEN, sometimes that’s it… it stays in my private file. Other times, I try to discern what might be helpful for others to read, not for the sake of helping me through it (I think that sort of thing needs to be done personally, not thrown out on a blog)- rather, for the sake of edification. If I am not sure what is too much I always ask my husband. As my kids get older I reveal less and less, and that’s ok. (Perhaps someday I’ll just start writing fiction!)

    Some of the scariest things I have shared, though- particularly the posts on depression, or anger at God and grief… those are the posts I have heard are the most helpful to others- helping others to look to Christ in hard times and rely on His grace instead of constantly trying to shore up their own awesomeness. To me, this makes it worth the risk.

    • I do think it’s important to share our struggles with faith and acknowledging that it does happen, but through the work of the Holy Spirit, even in the depths of despair, faith can be maintained. I know that the words that you have shared about your daughter’s illness have been a great comfort to people battling for their own children’s lives.

  5. This is an interesting question. I have a lot of family members that read my blog and children that are old enough to read it, so I don’t write as candidly as I might like to if I could be more anonymous. That’s a good thing though as it holds me accountable not to write anything I wouldn’t want them to see!

    • When I first started this site, I had every intention of keeping it anonymous. I’m glad I chose not to for several reasons, but that being one of them for sure.

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