My mother-in-law gets magazines by the droves. Droves, I tell you. Recently she has been passing them onto me. I don’t stroll through very many of them and have learned by sitting in doctors’ offices that there are few that are even worth creasing the spine. But alas, one day last week I was bored and we all know that boredom gives way to creativity, except of course when the baby hasn’t been sleeping well. Then boredom gives way to…something else, namely anything that will keep my eyelids from clamping shut. On this particular day it was Glamour magazine.
I’m not sure what I was expecting. I’m pretty much the least glamorous person I know. Just ask the front of the blue shirt I wore to Bible study (in a new church!) last week, you know, the one that still, even after going through the wash, has stains all over it. Ahhh, motherhood is bliss.
What I discovered in my half zombied state is this…
“Rocking your jeans empowers us all.” I did not know this! I was pretty sure that just barely fitting into one pair of jeans and working to keep the other pair up, reminds me daily of how I recently had a baby (Ok, so it was 5 months ago. In the pages of time and eternity it was RECENTLY!) and don’t really fit well into anything. But apparently, this can all be fixed if someone would simply rock some jeans for me. Needing a little inspiration here! Anyone?
Showing a woman seductively eating an orange is good for business, but showing that same woman eating a banana? Clearly that would be wrong.
“When you have the most adorable new baby on earth…and painful breasts the size of Jupiter.” This is one of the “12 times when new clothes are the answer!” Tell that to the Dr. I saw in the emergency room just a few weeks ago. I bet she paid good money for that degree too.
Katie Holmes does her own laundry. I am not even kidding about this one! Really, the whole idea is nothing short of miraculous! Reach for a chair dear friend, because she shops for herself too!
It takes a well respected(?) magazine, one that has been around since 1939, 166 pages of nonsense to get to anything good and helpful and page-worthy.
Ok, I’ll stop being sassy now. I think I’ll stick to books though. Read anything good lately?