Thee Angel Project

A year of writing a little bit of everything. Writers Write, Right?

how to talk with your girl about being a girl

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This is a mom post. Any and all boys should click away now…unless you’re a single dad, then, please stay. Don’t worry, the rest of you can come back tomorrow.

The oldest girl child in my house was starting to ask some tough questions. Actually, the questions weren’t tough, but me getting up the guts enough to answer honestly…and aloud, well, that’s another story. But alas, she was ready, and even if I wasn’t, it was time for me to put on my big girl underwear and fake it.
I invited some back-up, two of her aunts, to join me. (Thank You, Ladies! I am indebted to you for your wisdom and for the love that you show my girls, not just today, but everyday!) We went in armed with a basket full of all things essential for a pre-teen girl, as we tackled the issues together.

girl talk

Seated at our kitchen table with iced coffees and Oreos ready to be consumed, this is about how our conversation went…

“God,” I said, “is starting to get your body ready to be a mom. Now, this is not something that’s going to happen overnight. It is a process that will take years, and a husband, to complete. Your aunts and I have bought you some gifts in order to get you ready for all that being a girl turning into a woman entails.”

We slowly pulled things out of our gift basket one at a time. She had been asking a lot about breasts. Not surprising since I am currently nursing her littlest sister. So, we started there.

Bras “I bought you a couple bras. You know that as you grow, your breast will start to get bigger, so that when you’re a mom, you can nurse your babies.”

Paper and Pencil *Moms, feel free to put your drawing skills to the test here. “The other main part of your body that God is going to be getting ready is your uterus. You know that when I was pregnant with your sister I didn’t actually eat her, right? She wasn’t ever in my stomach, although that’s what people sometimes say. Instead, she was inside another part of my belly called my uterus. Your body has a uterine home for babies too. When littlest sis was inside growing, she was surrounded with watery fluid and her belly button was attached to something called a placenta that was attached to the wall of my uterus. That wall is lined with blood, the same kind of blood that is in all of the other parts of your body. Now that God is growing your body, sometime in the next couple years though you’re going to go to the bathroom and you are going to notice that there’s a little bit of this blood on your underwear. It’s okay. It’s supposed to happen. This is what’s going on; every day your body works on getting your uterus ready to be a nice home for a baby. Babies need nice new homes to live in though. So, when your body builds a lining on the wall of you uterus, and you don’t become pregnant, because you’re not married, your body needs to get rid of the lining so it can start to work on another nice new lining, that won’t be used, because you won’t become pregnant, because you’re not married, so your body will need to get rid of that one too. This will happen over and over and over again, about once a month, until one day when you are married, God may prayerfully decide it’s time to craft a wonderfully made baby to use that lining in your comfy uterine home.”

Pads and Tampons “Now, the amount of blood will sometimes look like a lot, but in reality it’s only about two or three tablespoons worth that comes out over about 4 or 5 days. You’ll use these for now to help keep yourself clean.” (Show her how to place the pad.) “I’m giving you pads for now, when you’re older and playing sports or you want to go swimming I’ll teach you how to use the tampons. You’re not old enough for those yet.” *Moms, knowing how to use tampons would have saved me a lot of worry while playing high school sports. Teach your girl when she is ready though and only if you are as certain as you can be that she will come to you if she loses one. You may decide to wait until after her first gynecological exam so that she is a little more comfortable with her physician (yeah, I know, when are you ever comfortable in that position?) if she does have a problem.

A Cute Little Zippered Bag “I want you to keep a couple of your pads in this bag and just leave it in your backpack. That way, when your period starts you can be ready and this will help you be discreet as you take them with you to the bathroom.”

Chocolate Bars “Sometimes when you begin your period, your body feels like you are starving. You’ll want to eat more, and while it’s important to eat healthy, lots of fruits and vegetables, it’s okay to have a little extra treat every now and then.”

Rice Bag or Midol “As your body gets ready for your period each month, you may be a little achy too. You can heat up the rice bag and put it on your belly. If you get too uncomfortable though, make sure you let me know and we can talk about trying some pain relief or some other things like exercise to help you feel better.” *Moms, if you purchase Midol or any type of medicine for your daughter, I would recommend keeping it in your possession so you can discuss the need for it and make certain it is administered safely and correctly.

“How You Are Changing” Book “This is your book, but I’m going to hold onto it. I want to read it with you at various times throughout the next couple years. *Moms, I love this book, but my ten year old is not ready to just dive in unaccompanied. I will introduce her to the various topics when I feel she’s ready. Plus, I can say uterus and period aloud to my daughter, but I’m not quite there with the word erection. This is a process. I’m growing too.

“The Care and Keeping of You 1” Book “This is your book to keep with you. It talks all about all of the parts of your body from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, and tells you how to care for them. As you read through it, if you have any questions, be sure to let me know and we can talk about it together.” *Moms, this is an AWESOME book! I will be ordering volume 2 so that I can read through it and be ready for coming stages.

Deodorant “When you get to be a growing girl, your body will start to sweat more, especially when you exercise. This will help keep your body smelling fresh and clean. You can use this at home each morning, and we’ll put a smaller one in your zippered bag for use at school.”

When we first began our talk and specifically when we mentioned bleeding, I thought she was going to pass out, poor girl. But, by the time we were finished she had tried on her bra, was asking questions, and drawing her own pictures complete with the use of correct terminology. We were able to take a short walk later in the evening and she could barely contain her excitement over all that she had learned. She asked more questions and talked and talked and talked about how excited she was and how much fun she had. She even offered to talk with her brother about girls so that he wouldn’t have to learn it from his bride. (We’ll see how that goes.) She could barely contain herself when we talked about her little sisters too. She wanted to tell them everything she learned at that very moment.

I pray that our time together opened the doors for conversations about all manner of things for her good and to her Creator’s glory! Your girl is a seriously amazing creation. Tell her so.

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Author: Heather

I want you to see life the way I see it. Often contradictory, seldom predictable, many times lovely, occasionally tragic, but every day filled with God's grace.

35 thoughts on “how to talk with your girl about being a girl

  1. Excellent. So wish I would have had this around years ago.. PV will benefit from your post. I am retaining it for future use! OR you might be called in to bring oreos and iced coffees! 🙂 Great job Momma!

    • Thank you! It really helped to have her aunts there…not that the iced coffees weren’t an integral part of our discussion. I would be happy to come for moral support!

  2. I’ve had a similar conversation with my daughter, it wasn’t a particularly comfortable conversation but I was pleased that we sat down and talked about everything.
    I really like how you had the basket with various items in it, I wish I had thought of doing that!

  3. I remember my mom being so cool about this and we just sat and chatted about it. I think being upfront and honest is totally the best way! Found you through the Parenting Pin It Party! x

    • It was a little awkward at first, but quickly became fairly comfortable. It is all dependent about how we as mothers approach subjects like this one.

  4. Ahhh I had this long comment written in reply, I decided to click on follow and it removed my nice comment. .But I think you should write an e-book and put it on Amazon!! Thanks for coming buy Oh My Heartsie Girl to share.Have a great week!

    • I’m glad you jotted down a little comment anyway! It is so frustrating when that happens. Very sorry. Thank you for your kind words. Blessings on your week as well!

  5. Some really good suggestions about how to approach it but I would prefer to leave God out of it….. Our bodies mature and grow irrespective 🙂

    • Respectfully, we don’t leave God out of anything. Our bodies mature and grow because He created them to do just that and still works in them. This life is not all madness and incidental and without an eternal meaning. My girls’ bodies were intricately formed by someone, and it sure wasn’t me. I’m just not that good at anything.

  6. Great ideas! I need to be having this talk very soon and it’s always nice to read how someone else has done it! #motivationalmonday

  7. Such a great post and how wonderful that you are all close enough to talk about everything that girls will encounter on their way to womanhood.

    Thanks for linking up with Monday Parenting Pin It Party!

  8. This is re-share worthy! Awesome to come across your blog. I think I’ll even stumble it for ya! What a blessing you are to your daughter. And, how perfect the timing to talk to her about it while you are nursing. I’ll bookmark this one for sure. Blessings to you and your family.

  9. It’s wonderful being a mother to little girls and sharing what God does in our bodies. I well-remember my mother explaining to me and feeling so important to be “in the know!’

    • I think my daughter loves the fact that she has all of this new information that none of her sisters even have any idea about. They will soon enough though.

  10. Good list here. My girl is still too young to have this talk now but I’m pinning this for later! Thanks.

  11. I have two daughters and even though the oldest is only five this conversation will be necessary before I know it. Great share!
    Angela @ Time with A & N

  12. What a lovely idea to have a basket full of “props”. My oldest is six. I dread really having to converse about this stuff… but it’s so important. I liked your idea of having some support there… I’m totally doing that!

    Thanks for sharing (and for linking up to the SHINE Blog Hop).

    Wishing you a lovely weekend.
    xoxo

  13. I wish I had read this many years ago when my daughter was that age. I wish my mother had read it and shared it with me when I was that age. Sex was something that was discussed as little as possible. Thank you for sharing these thoughts. I know they will help many.
    Blessings,
    Charlotte

  14. I have three daughters, and once the first one was “done,” it was surprising how much information was passed on to the younger ones. So I didn’t have to broach certain subjects, although I did have to correct some misconceptions!

  15. I love this!!! Our daughter is one, but I am pinning and saving for the years to come. I know it will be here before we know it! Thanks for stopping by the WYWW link up!!!

  16. Beautiful post! I have 3 boys, however, I will definitely share with my friends who have girls. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing at this week’s Thoughtful Spot!

  17. Words cannot express how AWESOME this post is!!!! My daughter is 8 and is asking all sorts of questions that make my hair seem like it’s on fire! Thank you for creating such a great environment for your daughter to get her questions answered. And thank you for sharing this gem with us moms!

  18. Thanks for this post and thanks for sharing it on What You Wish Wednesday. Although I’ve got some time, I am glad to have moms that are willing to share and mentor us with younger girls. Please join us again tomorrow for What You Wish Wednesday!

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